The one night commitment trap
Lately, I had a very interesting case of a failing escalation. I’ve had similar situations before, but this time I recognized a recurring pattern. This, dear reader, is what happened.
I was again in Warsaw for the usual short stunt. Being not far from Germany, it’s convenient to travel there for brief trips to either gather new leads or close open loops from previous ones. I arrived on a weekend quite late and decided to go to Cubano, one of the main clubs in town. It’s usually packed with girls, but it can also turn into a sausage fest. The place is popular among aspiring PUAs, so at least half the guys are constantly approaching.
I went in alone, grabbed a water, and spotted a cutie in the smoking area. I talked to her for a bit, but quickly realized she was a time-waster and ejected. After another set, I ran into a fellow PUA, a Korean-American guy with solid game. We bantered a bit and walked around together scanning for sets.
Next to the bar, I noticed a super tall 23-year-old Ukrainian. She must have been around 180 cm, with wavy hair and cute cheeks. I opened, told her I liked her hair and cheeks, and she smiled right away. It was on. I teased her about being a law student and a wannabe snob. She was into it, and luckily my wing was handling her less attractive friend. I don’t usually like approaching with a wing, but when it happens organically it can be useful. At some point I even saw him kissing the other girl, so I ramped things up with mine. She took all the escalation without any pushback.
This is where I think I overdid it. I stayed with her for about two hours, heavily making out, but couldn’t get her out of the club. She resisted every attempt at a bounce-back, though she kept sticking around to kiss more. Eventually, she agreed to leave the venue with me, but outside she refused at the last minute to get into the taxi and said she was going home. I was pissed because I had invested my whole night into her, but I cut my losses and went for the number.
We exchanged a couple of messages afterwards, but I never managed to get her out. Soon she was playing hard to get, and it felt like I had to build attraction from scratch again. That’s almost impossible over text.
So what happened? How can a girl be super eager in person, yet turn flaky later? Looking back, the signs were there. The longer I stayed, the more the attraction faded. It’s the same principle as daygame: don’t drag sets past 15 minutes unless you’re instant dating or going for an SDL. By committing my whole night to her, the mystery disappeared and my value plummeted. By the end, I probably looked like a chump in her eyes.
I was mad at myself. If she had been my only lead that trip, I’d have been even more pissed. But in the end, I’m glad it happened during a less critical time of year1. Next time I find myself in that situation, I’ll know better.
Winter is usually a bit of downtime when it comes to lays.↩